The most nervous pony ever!!

[samarme]

Hi all new to this site and horses in general really. Bought a pony for my daughter 10 months ago and as beautiful as she is I've had to work harder than I realised. Thinking she'd guide me as a novice owner I think I've opened a can of worms for her. We struggle with the leader flirting between us both - I've had a natural horsemanship trainer out 3 times which had helped us both no end. Yet we constantly seem to be battling with either catching , feet picking , bridle, head collar even my belly rumbling made her spook on Saturday!! She's had 10 owners in 10 years which is dreadful and I absolutely adore her I just want get to be happy and not nervous. I think I've accepted that we probably won't be hacking to our local show and leaving with 100s of rosettes but I'd still like to have a bit if a dream to keep me motivated!! How do I get her to stop being so nervous of everything ??

[samarme]

We have done the walking over tarp and the gymkhana poles, she's ok ish with the brolly and can just about stomach a flag but lately has had me runni g around the field because she seems nervous of the head collar ( which she's had for ages) it's like a cryptic crossword every night wondering why she has behaved the way she has that day?

[avril]

Hi samarme, thank you for joining the forum and posting on the subject of fear. You ask how you can get your mare to stop being so nervous of everything and why she behaved in a particular way on a certain day. Although it seems like a cryptic crossword, in fact the answer is simple; trust, or lack of it is the problem and without it you will experience varying degrees of unpredictable behaviour as a result of fear based responses towards you and anything/everything in her environment.

We would not recommend working with tarps, brollies, or flags as she simply isn't ready for that kind of overload. In fact it is likely to make her even more nervous. You will need help to learn how to develop your relationship through trust building exercises. Horses who really trust their riders/handlers have very little need to react.

Good luck with your journey, forum members are eternally supportive and may well share with you a strategy or two which has worked for them. Let us know how you get on.

[huntingcharliehunting]

I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties, and you seem to be trying very hard to ensure she becomes happier within herself.
As you may know, Avril has been extremely ill lately, but I do wonder whether it might be helpful to see if she might have your pony in her magical set up, for a few weeks, to help with the confidence/trust issues, once she is feeling better. There would be no one better or more experienced, and it is, I imagine, an almost impossible task to solve if you are quite new to horse ownership, as I think you said in your first post. (It would be pretty hard to deal with if you had had horses for years!)
Very best wishes to you, I feel sure you will all come out on top and eventually have all those rosettes on the wall!
Angela

[samarme]

Hi - thank you for the replies but now I'm really stumped to be honest. I have spent many many hours researching online , DVDs and books to try and do the best thing for us but I've never come across trust strategies do I will dig deep to see what I can find but if any members have any ideas or suggestions I'd really appreciate it please. I'd just like to point out that I've never punished her physically or really even raised my voice to her we cuddle everyday and have a good old conversation ( one way tho!) about her day lol. I call her name and she nearly always comes to me ( although wont always pop head in collar easily) I have managed to convince her with everything I have tried that it's all ok and safe by just softly talking her through it and stroking her head nothing is ever forced upon her. So any help would be much appreciated people. Thank you

[em]

Hi

Gosh your head must be spinning trying to think of which way to go in regards to helping her and whether you are doing the right thing each time you work with her.. I hope the following may help but it is only my thoughts and some of it may seem quite mad ;D

First off I always look at my horses behaviour as a means for her to give me feedback... neither good nor bad just feedback.. I spend time reflecting on what the feedback is telling me what it was i was doing at the time and how I felt..

This feedback has always guided me as to whether i should carry on with something in the way that I am or if I need to change something.. and sometimes the change required can be as simple a change of attitude or body positioning or costly like new bit or girth or just a bit of thought into whether what I am asking is achievable given my horses training or temperament and my knowledge etc maybe there are smaller steps I could do in order to achieve the actual goal

Imagine yours is a child brought up in care and 10years worth of foster families... what would you do to help gain their trust and respect.. how would you behave to gain that childs trust and help them not fear you or their enviroment...perhaps you would be most consistant in your boundaries , you would be emotionally congruent.. calm but prepared to chastise if neccessary, you would be in charge and take each day without preconditioned thoughts of how things are going to unfold...

Expectations create an image in the mind which without us even knowing makes us move our bodies energy in ways we are often unaware hence you may be surprised your horse wont be caught one day but are you certain you walked into that field believing and seeing yourself catch her easily .. was your energy slightly raised with anticipation of a problem? or did you walk in feeling or actually knowing it might go wrong?

please dont feel I am assuming this is what you are doing I am just suggesting stuff to think over as horses are incredibly sensitive to our energy fields and emotions and
are constantly reading us.. she will be aware of you and your energy way before you get anywhere near her

Always think about what you want to do and how you are going to achieve it and behave as if you have all the time in the world to do it so that you are slow and calm in movement.. then really see what you are going to do in your mind picture it .. How can I stop my horse being nervous of everything is a huge goal perhaps break it down into smaller areas of work..

And finally I would utterley and whole heartedly say get on the foundation course and learn the language of the horse for yourself ...you will thoroughly enjoy it and it will help your journey with your horse be a little easier to understand and why things are going the way they are

I hope this doesnt confuse and of course you can ignore completely ;D

good luck and keep us posted em x

[samarme]

Hi em - thank you for your advice. It has been mentioned that my time is often limited to an hour or so in the evening and I really do try to be totally chilled shoulders down and relaxed breathing when things become difficult. Your analogy is perfect for me as I do work with kids and has Made me look at the situation in a different light so that will definitely help x. I think I just get frustrated sometimes with her and trying to suppress that and hide it from her just makes me want to cry sometimes so I just leave!!! Vicious circle I suppose? I have looked into behaviour and horse psychology course and thought maybe that too would help so I think that's the way forward now. Break down any expectations and just go for cuddle and chit chat time trying to include feet picking in that ( she's happy for me to do that out in the field) thank you everyone . .... But if anyone else has any ideas I'm still very keen to hear them please x

[angelac]

Hi samarme

Sorry to learn of the difficulties you are having and I'm glad you have joined the forum.
It is very supportive and hopefully you won't feel so alone as you do your best to help your pony.

I don't think anyone has mentioned the MSC blogspot.
It could be that you have seen it, but if not , there is a link at the bottom of the MSC main page.
The recent blogs are about building trust and are very helpful.


I have two horses, one of whom is not straightforward, probably due to a poor start in life. We have had our ups and downs and like you I found a visiting NH instructor most helpful.
However, since coming across MSC about 3yrs ago, things are slowly but surely changing. I live too far away to take him but I have benefitted from attending two courses myself , as well as the on line material and the forum.
I have been enabled to change my thinking and beliefs and this has been so helpful.

Your pony sounds lucky to have you trying to help. 10 homes in as many years sounds awful !
I do hope you stay on the forum and let us know how you get on.
Very best wishes
Angela

[samarme]

Thank you Angela for your reply I have been looking online today at strategies for dealing with trust issues do I will have a look at what you have mentioned now - glad to hear that you are also making progress. I too feel that baby Lou wouldnt cope with being transported elsewhere at the moment - even to take her somewhere to help her with her fear/ nerves/ trust issues cx

[samarme]

Thank you Angela for your reply I have been looking online today at strategies for dealing with trust issues do I will have a look at what you have mentioned now - glad to hear that you are also making progress. I too feel that baby Lou wouldnt cope with being transported elsewhere at the moment - even to take her somewhere to help her with her fear/ nerves/ trust issues cx

[Erika George]

Sorry to hear about your problems but 10 owners in 10 years is a lot of change for any animal to take on board. and it may take your horse a long time to settle. Even my lovely George was a pain in the derrier when I first had him as he spent every night escaping to join the neighbouring horses, who were seriously unimpressed at the new addition to the herd. He was kicked, chased and bitten in equal measure but still insisted on breaking down the fence and getting in with them. Masochist? No, but seriously troubled by his move to his new home. He was rarely a problem to catch but impossible to leave unattended in the yard as he would panic and try and get back to the herd. A "steady neddy" was quickly borrowed and then he settled quickly but he would panic if his companion was taken up to the yard without him.
I have also had a number of livery companions for George and almost without exception they have had some issues, including refusing to be caught or refusing to leave the field. They all got over it, some more quickly than others.
My advice? Consistency and routine including feeding at the same time of the day, picking out of feet etc. Also, just spend some time in the field if possible without approaching your horse. Poo picking, cleaning out the water trough or even topping the docks will eventually attract the attention of the most nervous horse without you putting pressure on them.
I would be tempted to not even think about riding at this point until you have established enough trust to catch and then turn out.

Good luck and keep us posted

Erika & George