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Post by wibbly on Dec 23, 2010 18:49:02 GMT 1
Hi there, I need some advice/support. I recently bought a 15 hand 7 year old cob gelding. When I went to try him out he was perfect for me. Steady, not strong and needed a bit of a kick on rather than slowing down. He let me tack him up, brush him off, pick out his feet. He was calm and easy to handle and ride.
I am an experienced rider, whith BHS qualifications and have taught beginner in a riding school. But following having 3 chidlren and 6 years out of horses I am very rusty. I am confident and capable on a quiet ride. But I am finding this boy a bit too much for me. He is what you would imagine a "show cob" to be, and not the happy hacker I thought he was.
I have only had him a short time, but I am finding things hard. I am stuggling to bond with him and dont want to ride as he is really forward going and strong. I am quite heavy and need a proper cob, which he is, but I want what I would describe as a plod, rather than a show cob. I feel like I have made a terrible and expensive mistake. I also feel like I dont like him. I have never disliked a horse in my life. But I just dont really like him.
Please help.
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Post by chattysmum on Dec 23, 2010 22:55:43 GMT 1
Oh Wibbly, I have had much the same sort of problems in the past. Firstly, cut all feed out and just feed hay. My cob is intolerant to loads of stuff in lots of feeds and goes hyper on good grass. Luckily, knowing that my Chatty came from Avril, I knew that she really is a good girl and that something must be affecting her. When I sorted her food out she was like a different animal. Also, until you are used to your new horse, always lunge before riding so that the high spirits are dampened down. Give yourself and your horse time to settle together. It can take months for a horse to settle in a new environment and in my experience, up to two years to feel totally "together". I am sure I am teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here but I understand the panic that can set in when you think you may have made a mistake. Lastly, if this horse is very new to you, read Avrils notes on settling a new horse in it's new home.
I have had to sell on one horse that I bought as "anyone's ride". This was not a cob and had some tb blood in him. After nearly two years I had to accept that we were just not a partnership made in heaven. We never bonded and I did not like him as a person. I never fell off him but never felt totally comfortable riding him. He is now in a home where he is appreciated for what he is and is very happy. Give me a cob any day.
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angie
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Post by angie on Dec 24, 2010 11:19:39 GMT 1
Hi Wibbly,
So sorry to hear of your experience...it really is horrible when things do not go as hoped for. I have had a couple of unsuitable steeds, both cobs and more hot-blooded horses, and will say that any horse - regardless of breed/type - can be the wrong or right one. It all comes down to what you feel confident with.
A lot of cobs have Welsh blood, which makes them suited to the more confident rider, as these have Arab lines going back a long way. Do not discount any type, just filter out the ones that say not novice ride etc. I never thought I'd get on with a mare, but my horse now, who has built my confidence, is a moody mare through and through!!
The hardest bit is knowing when to call it a day. I have done this, and lost lots of money too, but why make your own and the horse's life unhappy? You have already said you don't like him...well, that speaks volumes. Will you ever like/love him for just being him? Seriously consider the long term, and how keeping or selling will affect you.
Please keep informed, as I said, a lot of us have been through similar things. We're all here for you. Good luck, there will be a friend out there, it just takes time.
Angie x
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Post by wibbly on Dec 24, 2010 13:20:26 GMT 1
Thanks so much for the replies. It helps knowing I am not the only one who has felt like this in the past.
I am currently feeding a round scoop of hifi lite and a couple of handfuls of spillers hi fibre cubes, organic no additives balancer, plus 10kg of haylage/24 hours. (cant get hay)...nothing I would expect him to go mad on.
However I have in the past only fed hay and balancer and found it helped. I think I will cut the feed right back to a token handful of hifi lite, and the organic balancer I already feed. so as he doenst kick the door down when the others get fed.
I think the snow and ice has not helped too. I have been lunging before riding. But I was worried it would make him to fit! But I suppose even 10 minutes to let him have a kick about before getting on is ok.
I do want to give it time and I know it is early days. Maybe I will grow to like him/ love him.
I think part of the reason I am finding it sooo hard to bon is because I miss my other horse sooo much. I recently sold a 3 year old 14hh gypsy cob who I had spent the summer backing (NH method) and had the most amazing bond with him. I had bought him for my daughters who now have lost interest and so I decided to buy something for me. But I just didnt want to sell the baby boy. But I did, and now feel like I am greiving for this lost horse and cant bond with the new one.,
Anyone been through this?
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Post by chattysmum on Dec 24, 2010 15:56:09 GMT 1
Now that seven years have passed I can actually put my hands up and say I made a mistake selling my first horse. I backed and schooled her myself and got to the stage that we literally read each others minds. I felt 100% safe. Then I decided I wanted more of a challenge and my years in the horse doldrums began. What can I say. I missed her terribly and felt stupid and guilty. I did find one lovely cob mare that I had just started to bond with (that took me over a year) then unfortunately had to have her put to sleep. The horse I have from Avril reminds me of both my first mare and the one I lost so tragically and I am certain that we are going to have so much fun together. However, until I got her food right, I was doubting myself. She became headstrong and very spooky and took off with me a couple of times. Then I fell off oneday and although it was partly my fault lost my confidence with her in the arena as that was where I came off, I suppose. I felt sick and went rigid with fear every time I tried to ride in there.
I had a very sympathetic instructor come to me and first of all, just practiced getting on and off confidently - that's how bad I felt. Luckily I was still managing to hack her out and after 10 minutes or so I would relax and enjoy the ride. It has taken me 5 months to get my nerve back and as I became more confident the horse trusted me more and stopped spooking and acting worried.
I think even if you are an instructor (did you say that?) or even just very experienced, as I was, it does help to have someone with you to help you through the difficult times. I think we can go into panic sometimes over decisions we have made that we think are wrong and when it doesn't go according to your plan it is easy for even the most experienced rider to get tense. I didn't realise how tense I was until I was able to relax again. The difference in the horse was amazing.
I would cut out the nuts and you may have to experiment with balancers to find which one suits your horse. Haylage and Horse Hage can be a nightmare unless you buy the low energy one specifically for laminitics.
Hope my waffle helps. I am no expert. I have had to sell on two horses - one of which was just too much horse for me whom I loved to bits and the other, as I said before, I just never gelled with and didn't like him. Only you can judge your situation. But as they say, a wrong horse eats just as much as the right one!
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Post by Wibbly on Dec 24, 2010 17:09:23 GMT 1
Hi Chattys mum
Your waffle (as you call it) does help...thanks.
I was doing my AI when I got pregnant. I completed stage 2 and was working towards PTT. So not qualified as an instructor, but had been teaching beginners for a year. I was a really confident pony club kid, and did a little affiliated jumpling. But I am just so rusty. My daughter is 6 and I stopped riding when I got pregnant with her. Since then I have only ridden a few times but people who have seen me have said I look fine. But I will definitely get some lessons.
Haylage....I use marksway horsehage high fibre and thunderbrook pure essentials balancer. It could be the hifi or the nuts that are blowing his brain. I also think perhaps I am tense. He covers a lot of ground in these very forward going paces. I end up holding him back as I am not sure if he is going to stop! If I knew that he wasnt going anywhere, and was just being active, then maybe I would relax. It doesnt help that I also tried out a couple of "safe, anyone's ride" horses and had a nasty fall off one who took off with me, turned himself inside out and I hit the deck. I am still in pain from that fall even now, months later.
I think saying all this stuff out loud is actually helping. In a way it is no wonder I am feeling like this....I think time will tell if he is right for me.
Off to read some of Avrils articles.
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Post by huntingcharliehunt on Dec 25, 2010 0:06:25 GMT 1
Hi Wibble So sorry to read life is hard at the moment, and the ghastly weather conditions certainly don't help. I have always found that when a new horse arrives, it is either good to start with and then gets a bit on top of itself , or the other way round! I think we have to accept that those who ride horses for a living, have very different requirements to those that want to have a nice person to deal with on a daily basis, and hack out over the countryside. Perhaps the fact that he was so good when you tried him, is his real self, and the one that is rather dislikeable at the moment is a fairly young chap who has suddenly had his world turned upside down and is having to make relationships with new people and new equines. I echo chattysmum in saying, cut out all feed and balancers and just feed hay or haylage with the lowest protein count you can find, until he settles. I would leave riding for a bit, and perhaps try and find someone who could just quietly hack him out on a daily basis for a month or so (probably cheaper than trying to sell him on, and perhaps loosing quite a lot) It is quite possible that this will bring back the horse you tried and liked. If it doesn't and you feel he is just not the horse for you, don't beat youself up about it, he will probably be exactly what another person is looking for, and you will have a more definite idea about what you want. Do give him a chance though, with no food, and gentle work with somone you trust, as I think many , many horses find it much harder to move homes than we have sometimes acknowleged. Do let us know how things go and accept that many of us totally identify with you. One last point, I think there are some cobs who do better on a sugar free diet, and I am a great believer in the simple system range, and they are very helpful with their advice should you consider cotacting them. The very best of luck!
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Post by em on Dec 26, 2010 11:58:33 GMT 1
Hi Huntingcharliehunt I have just had a nosey at the Simple System web site... I have to say I am totally hooked and am definately going to try some of their products... I have always kept feeding my horses/ponies very basic.. fibre/forage and a supplement... but this site takes it too a level i have never seen before such a great concept and such a brilliant range... thanks for mentioning it I had never heard of them before Cheers Em Ps Wibbly I am also sorry for the position you have found yourself in.... I think you have enough great advice to think over without me adding to it ... so I will just say much much luck in wading through your emotions to find a resolution that is right for you and your horse.... let us know how you are getting on every one is very supportive of each other...
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Post by huntingcharliehunt on Dec 28, 2010 19:02:41 GMT 1
Hi Em
I am glad you were interested in the simple system website, especially as one of the reasons I like it is that it allows me to give my grandchildren's adorable but laminitic pony a really good bowl of feed each evening, and I am sure the water in it has helped to prevent colic which has been so common during these last two weeks, as some ponies just don't want to drink cold water. My 3 cobs who were all hunting fit before the big freeze, had their normal ration cut by half, and today behaved perfectly, with no silliness when they went out for their first hack for over 2 weeks. The big lay off has made me realise, with a great deal of sadness, that have actually got too many horses! so if anyone knows of anyone looking for a couple of nice well behaved little cobs, who love hunting, but will do anything, get in touch!!
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ange
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Post by ange on Dec 30, 2010 14:59:44 GMT 1
Hi Wibbly -
you don't say exactly how long you've had your new horse for - remember that it can take a long time to build a relationship, and that, for him as well as for you, things are very different now he's moved home and owner!
I've had Millie since March and bought her to get my confidence back after a prolonged bad experience with a youngster (see my posts under Ange, Penny and Kia and then Ange, Penny and Millie if you want some background). The same people had owned her for most of her (9 year) life.
When I tried Millie she was very well behaved and she felt right almost immediatly - but the first couple of weeks when she came home were 'interesting'!
She came from a much smaller yard than the one I'm on, which seemed to overwhelm her to start with - she turned from an easy and laid back horse to one that behaved more like a well meaning bull when being led, and who was very difficult to catch and could be bargy in the stable.
When being ridden she became a bit spooky to start with (she'd been rock solid when I tried her) and she was also obvisouly not used to open fields, so found these very exciting and wanted to jog and tank everywhere!
I had to take a good hard look at myself to get through this - I knew I was capable but also had lost most of my confidence, and I also knew that although Millie was not behaving how I'd expected there was no malice or real naughtyness in what she was doing - I made myself not panic and relax when riding (not easy), and pretty soon Millie started to calm down and relax too - she needed time to get used to the changes!
Can you ride with other people that you trust and who will go at your pace for now, but who also know you well enough to tell you when you need to get your act together??? This will help you to get through the 'I'm never goig to cope with this' stage - you won't know until then whether you really don't like your new horse or whether its just your confused feelings making you think that.
Cheers, Ange.
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Post by nellie on Jan 2, 2011 14:35:59 GMT 1
Hi Wibbly,
So sorry to hear of your troubles and doubts. It is very difficult when you get a new horse and everything everyone has said above is so true: HuntingCharlieHunt in particular is so right about some starting quiet and then becoming little terrors before settling down again.
Also about the food. When I bought Mina, Avril told me not to feed any hard food whatsoever, not even balancer. Of course, in the way of all new owners, I haven't exactly followed her advice because I do feed Bailey's lo-cal balancer but at only low levels and it all depends on what else she is getting. The way I look at it is that if she gets a bit full of herself, she's getting enough out of the grass so I cut the balancer right down. If she's being quiet and sensible then the grass is poorer and therefore I can feed a bit more balancer but I keep an eye on her and cut it down the moment she perks up more than I want. Her coat is glossy (even though she is not rugged), her hooves are fantastic (she's now completely barefoot and doing really well) and she is retaining her weight, all be it a little too well!
I'm also very careful not to feed too much haylage as I know that can make some horses a bit excitable - and because I have to watch Mina's weight. So she gets her haylage mixed with good quality, well soaked oat straw. Now the farmer's hay is ready for eating, I'm gradually changing her to hay from the haylage and will be keeping the same eye on her condition and temperament until I am happy I have the right balance between the hay and straw.
However, I also followed up on the link to the Simple System and really like the sound of their feeds so thank you Huntingcharliehunt for that recommendation. I have dropped them an email and we'll see what they say when they are back at work next week.
My first horse I bought because she was really quiet and trustworthy but I didn't know so much then about the impact of food, particularly sugar, on horses then: indeed, I'm not sure anyone did (this was early 80s). Anyway, someone recommended sugar beet in winter and she became a complete nightmare, far too strong for me and finally I sold her back to her original owner so I have seen at first hand the effect the wrong food can have.
All the very best of luck and do let us know how you get on.
Helen
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Post by cassandra on Jan 5, 2011 12:59:50 GMT 1
Hi Wibbly,
I am actaully going through the same as you at the moment. I have just bought a 14.3 pony and while he was perfect in the summer he has started to get very spooky and sharp. It's partly my fault for clipping him and not excerising him as regulary as I did before the snow. I have decided to take a step back in doing a lot of groundwork with him and hacking him out in company only. He has always been okay to hack just the school is difficult. I also started him on steady-up and we'll see if that helps. I am also lucky enough to know a very good Jockey who his riding him for me. I guess it just takes time but try do some groundwork with him to get him to respect you and maybe that will help you bond. And don't worry how long it takes!!! Anja
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Post by Wibbly on Jan 5, 2011 17:12:09 GMT 1
hI wibbly,
I am really sorry about your horse. I have had 4 horses in the last 33 years and have been very lucky with all of them. I retired my mare 20 months ago (unfortunately i had to have her put down in August) and like yourself have stage 1 and 2, so considered myself capable of finding another horse. HOW WRONG I WAS!!
I was taken in by everything and felt a real failure, i actually believed what people told me (private and dealers) and spent a great deal of money and lost all confidence about purchasing another horse (i purchased 2 horses in that 20 month period and had the trouble of reselling).
I followed my heart, (i am not saying this works with everyone) i woke up one morning and asked myself if i was happy with these horses and did i look forward to riding them and the answer was no.
I was on the point of giving up and then discovered Avril, thank god, and i now have Elda who i cant wait to see every morning and evening, and i actually look forward to riding. i am not saying she doesnt sometimes test me but like Chattysmum said if it is one of Avril's cobs you know they are ok and you have Avril there to speak to if you need help.
I wish you all the luck in the world in whatever decision you make, as only you can do this, and i really hope you get sorted.
Jane x
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Post by Wibbly on Jan 5, 2011 22:44:19 GMT 1
Hi all
Update:
Things have not yet improved....a nasty case of swine flu for me has not helped.
But I have had my riding instructor exercising him whilst I have been ill. She says he is a nice boy, genuine, just very active paces and quite strong. He takes a while to relax when you first start riding him. Almost like he has to bash out the excess energy before he calms down and is then easier.
He is awkward on the ground still, difficult to pick up his feet or brush his legs and I generally feel stressed and unhappy in his presence. I also feel resentful about how much he is costing!....with my last horse I felt like he was a fourth child and whatever he needed (financially or otherwise) he would have. I felt we would eat beans on toast for a month to ensure he had everything he needed.
I dont feel like myself. I feel like a mean person. I sometimes feel like giving him away to anyone who would give him a good home and forget about the thousands I spent on buying him.
I really appreciate the support and advice. Dont get me wrong, he is getting everything he needs and is enjoying good stable management....just probably feels more like a member of the riding school than my special boy at the moment.
Sorry I have no miraculous news. Thanks again.
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Post by Erika George on Jan 9, 2011 1:07:23 GMT 1
Hi Wibbly, Sorry that you are having such a tough time. I would definately agree with cutting the rations right back and only feeding Hi-fi lite. George, who I have had for 5 years, has been on Hi-fi during this time but was a bit sluggish over the summer so my riding instructor suggesting feeding 1/2 scoop of non-heating pasture mix. Well talk about high octane full, he was manageable in the summer but with the short winter days I have had to remove this totally from his feed. He was like a hyperactive child on smarties. He never ran off with me but I was starting to form muscles like a pro-fighter. I would also suggest doing lots of ground work with him so that you can handle him safely from the ground. This will not only help you bond more with him but gives you an extra option if things get a bit scary out riding. I still dismount from George if he becomes totally freaked out by something because he will follow behind me and I know that he won't run me over. I love my boy to bits, but even after 6 months I was still wondering if I had made the right decision and it was at least a year before we fully accepted each other. Some partnerships take longer than others so don't beat yourself up about this. Trust your instructor who says that he is fine and just give yourself more time. I am beginning to believe that cobs are very independant minded creatures which is why they are so hardy. They work very hard to ensure their survival and it can take time to break down the barriers and get them to be totally trusting. Good luck, be patient, and keep us posted, Erika and George
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